Updated: Aug 22
I was born and raised in church all my life. I decided to follow Jesus at around the age of eight years old, after watching a movie about the rapture. That movie shook me to the core an all I knew after that is that I didn't want to go to hell. My parents growing up were not perfect but they always thought me to call on Jesus whenever I was afraid. My mommy said to me people will fail you but never Jesus. As I grew older I experienced many challenges like most of you. From having everything to losing it all in a wink of an eye. But in the midst of it, I didn't give up even though those were some of the hardest times of my life.
Fast-forwarding to 2020 where the world seems to suddenly go into chaos mode, I thought I had it all together. Right before the pandemic outbreak, I was seeking God with my everything, fasting,3 days,5 days,21 days, because i was just hungry for more of God. I woke up 4:30 every morning to spend time with the Father, I created my morning routine thanks to one of my mentors Terry Savelle Foy. This consisted of working out, listening to audio books, affirmations, and planning out my day. All this was to be done by 8:00 am and I would prepare to begin working from home by 9:00 am. So your girl was on a role.
But somewhere along the line, I became discouraged, I was overwhelmed with everything that was happening, my heart was breaking I would sometimes just be at home crying for what was happening in our world. I watched people get sick and die suddenly all around the world by the hundreds and thousands. My heart was breaking as I watch doctors and nurses risk their lives to take care of those who contracted this illness not knowing if they would return home to their families. Then we had the black live matter uproar as we watched Gorge Floyd being murdered in broad daylight by another human being. Social Media began to affect me especially Facebook, as everyone had an opinion, Christians bashing Christians, I couldn't believe what I was seeing, I felt this nudge on the inside telling me to come off of Facebook I tried deleting my page but couldn't due to my business accounts, so instead I deleted every single person. My mental health was beginning to get affected.
To add to how I was feeling, I had to deal with my husband not working for about a little over a month, my businesses was not bringing in enough sales to pay all our bills. However, God did provide, yes he did, but something in me got tired I had no more fight I literally broke. I couldn't pray, all I could do was cry, I began to look at my entire life I said to God what is going on with my life I need answers, I have been faithful obedient, I have been humbled, God I have been through so much why must I have to fight for everything in life. Then I began to feel this tug, maybe I should just walk away from Christianity (not Jesus) because this christian thing not making any sense, I have been fighting all my life and I am not seeing any fruit of my labor. There were nights I would cry myself to sleep begging God to keep my heart,my little prayer, Father I feel something pulling me from you help me. I told one or two of my friends but they had their own issues to deal with, I told my husband but he probably didn't know how serious it was because one its me the warrior, the fighter, the worshiper, the inspirational one and two I had a smile when he was around but when alone I was breaking down inside. I was usually the strong one the one saying don't give up keep the faith, God will bring us through but not this time your girl was out.
One lovely Friday evening one of my friends was messaging my phone about going to this particular service, honestly, I looked at the phone and ignored it because I wanted nothing to do with the church at that moment. She kept messaging then she called and called but I didn't pick up. That night I went to bed woke up and something in me said fight Nicole call her and go. So I got up reluctantly, dressed my daughter and hoped in the vehicle. Listen to me even when your feeling down and out God still speaks to his children, he guides us and orders our foot steps. The topic of this sermon was momentum in the middle, my God, as the preacher ministered by the power of the Holy Spirit it was like he was speaking to me and only me.
After the sermon we begun to worship God the minister began to prophecy over me. My God it was like he was inside my head and I knew exactly what was happening. He said to me you have been doing everything i see you in this pit ,your in this pit but your fighting to get out , you have been praying and fasting, your making declaration reading every prayer book but you've become tired, your sewing seeds and you have been faithful and your saying God when will my time come. God says you're in the same pit Joseph was in, I broke down cause I said this many times in private to God that my life is like Josephs, I have been put to shame, rejected, embarrassed, I lost everything, I sat in Jail for something beyond my control, certain family members laughed at my affliction, they could have helped me but choose not too. I watched my dreams of being a psychologist crumble before my eyes, every dream I had was taking away from me at the age of 22, things I wanted to experience in my 20's I never Got to. This word i received from this minister broke every plan of the enemy off my life as he continued to speak God's heart over me I felt a strength rise up in the inside of me. And made up my mind to fight back because Gods plans and purpose for my life is greater.