(The cocoon stage of singleness)
The thought of walking down the isles in your beautiful white wedding dress is every woman's dream. Finally finding the love of your life. The one you can pray with, the man of God that loves God more than anything else in this world, the one you can finally give yourself to without restrictions. Every woman dreams of settling down and starting her family. This is the heart of God for you.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
This year will be seven years since I said I do. Within those seven years, I have had beautiful moments and some challenging ones. I have learned a lot within this time frame and today I want to encourage you to embrace your single season and allow God to work on you as an individual before you say I do. I have seen with my own eyes and even in my life where we as women desire marriage so much that we skip a few details. To my single sisters here are a few things I think you should take note of before you say I do.
1.Deal with your issues ( I say this in the most loving way)
It's so important to deal with the internal aspects of who we are as women. We all have some sort of baggage from our past, whether its emotional wounds or traumas, these experiences have left some of us damaged and broken. Putting your healing first is so important because you do not want to bleed on people who never hurt you, especially in this case your husband. What has happened is many of us have covered up our wounds without dealing with them and they have become infected. We get into our marriages and in that close proximity, your spouse may do something that affects a wound you yourself didn't know existed, and anger manifest in a way that shocks even you. Sometimes you find your self having issues with intimacy in marriage and all these issues tend to deal with unhealed wounds from the past. And by the way, you may not even know you have these issues from before, its only when you get into the marriage that your husband recognizes something is wrong. May I tell you these were some of my issues.
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the lord is to be praised.
Have you ever met someone and in the beginning they seemed to be so wonderful? They did all the right things and said all the right things, but as the relationship grew a new person manifested. Well, this is what happens in marriages when the other party has not dealt with internal issues. It's only when you are behind closed doors and someone gets in your personal space and you are robbed the wrong way that what's inside of you comes forth.
My encouragement to my beautiful sisters is that you would seek God with your whole heart for healing from everything that may have broken you. Use your time of singleness to work on you find out who you are and who God has called you to be, allow God to love you and make you whole. Find the Joy in being single, this Joy comes from knowing and loving Jesus with your whole heart. Be a woman that fears the lord.
2. Love and seek Jesus with your whole being.
1 Corinthians 7:34, KJV: "There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband."
My sisters listen to me before I got married and had my daughter I was running hard after God with everything inside of me. I was going to bed late seeking God, waking up early seeking God, all I had on my mind was loving Jesus. Prayer, fasting, worship, and studying God's word at any time of the day or night is what drove me to find the one I loved. When I got married and had my daughter some of my priorities changed as expected it would. I had more responsibilities on my plate including launching into entrepreneurship fulltime. I now had to share my time with my family and focus on them. All these things are expected and nothing is wrong with the changes we will face as we get married and start our families but just know your focus becomes different.
I want to encourage you while your single to give Jesus everything you have because as Paul stated in the above verse a single woman cares are for the lord but a woman who is married her desire and focus is how she can please her husband. Marriage is beautiful but when your single there is so much more you can offer to God, don't think of your singleness as being a curse. Think of it as an awesome privilege till your King comes. There is Joy in waiting.
3. Enjoy your single life.
To my single ladies, I will leave you with this. Enjoy your single life, have fun, travel, go out to eat with friends, go to the movies. Invest in yourself, take courses. Be sure to do the things you love. Find yourselves, find your voice, embrace all aspects of who you are. Be sure to live your single life to the fullest. Prepare yourself, mentally, physically, and spiritually for your future husband. When you enter into your marriage you will know who you are and who's you are and most important you will have no regrets.
Psalms 84:11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. (KJV)
There is Joy In waiting.